What do you think of this letter?

[cathy]

My husband is somewhat fortunate that he was never totally and strictly denied visitation.  He had to put up with a LOT of stupid shit.  He agreed to let his ex and the kids move to Florida (we are in NC) because her family was there and he felt that it would be good for the kids to be around their extended family, and his ex would be more stable with the help of her family.  Of course, they agreed to a "visitation" schedule - which she immedicatly renegged on when she got there.  That is just the tip of the iceberg....

But I digress.  I think most of us on these boards are here because of divorces in our lives that aren't "friendly".  I think we all have had heartaches, frustrations and pain related to the event surrounding custody issues.

But every situation is different.  Not all men make good fathers and not all women make good mothers.  Even when BOTH parents are capable and willing, sometimes circumstances don't allow for 50/50.

The original poster seemed to want to express her thanks to her ex for providing for his children.  She wanted to commend him.  I didn't get the impression that she denied him visitation or tried to alienate the children from their father.  In fact, I got the impression that she tried to make sure that their father WAS an important part of their life and did provide for them even when he wasn't there.  

I would think that any father would want the mother of his children to acknowledge his contributions to the support of his kids.

[Davy]

For heaven sake, this is so simple.  Reread the post and the entire sentence and not what you want it to say in order to bash males or to place yourself in a oneupmanship position.

[Davy]

... think !!!!

[cathy]

to post a reasonable response in a polite tone, I'm not sure you want to know what I'm thinking right now!  :-)

If you feel I am missing something, or if you do not agree with the points in my post - please point them out and we can have a discussion.

[cathy]

I am simply pointing out what you posted.

And bashing males?  Me??? Where? When?  Sorry - didn't happen.  If you read my posts, the majority attempt to point out that no 2 situations are the same - the parties involved are individuals.  MEN are not this way of that way.  WOMEN are not this way are that way.  If you are accusing ME of male bashing - you are WAYYYYYYY off base.

I think you are too busy "female" bashing to have a reasonable, rationale discussion.  Believe it or not - there really are fathers out there that are assholes too!  Just like there are mothers out there that should be shot!

Male bash?  Ha!  That is funny!  If you only knew what a pathetic, psycho I have had to deal with -  a FEMALE, the MOTHER of my husband's children.  If I were going to bash anyone, it would be her!

[MYSONSDAD]

Every since these two started posting, one simple remark turns into a major issue. OVER WHAT? IF THEY DON'T LIKE THE RESPONSES, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Gender has very seldom been an issue here at Sparc. Once in a while, we get someone who tries to pull it in, but for the most part there have not been too many problems. And I am tried of all this twisting and manipulation. Starting to sound like my PBFH.

If everyone would try to read the entire post, keep in mind that all of us have different views. I think so much has been misread and misinterpreted.

I am moving on, these two can battle it out on their own. I have had enough arguing.

My question is, if they have so much time to post, who's watching the kids?

"Children learn what they live"

[MYSONSDAD]

"Children learn what they live"

[MYSONSDAD]

WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM? No one said she denied visitation! No one said anything about alienation!

This letter would be patronizing and an insult.

A simple comment about how much she appreciates his being a good father, in no way, slaps him in the face.

MY WORDS, READ CAREFULLY, DON'T LOSE TRACK....

I SAID 'BUILD BETTER COMMUNICATION' OFFER MORE TIME, not a damned thing about shared. MORE ACCESS TO SCHOOL EVENTS.

You are putting words in my mounth, and I don't like it...

I do think if this father is so wonderful to earn a letter, then he should have shared. My hats off to daddy!

"Children learn what they live"

[cathy]

Please, show me specifically where I attributed anything to you.  I don't like being attacked for something I didn't do.

Now, you did post:

"Until you are a father denied of time spent with your children, YOU DO NOT HAVE A CLUE. Some of us put the children before the money."

So where exactly did THAT come from?

I have already said - my husband paid child support.  I read him the letter and he certainly wouldn't have found it patronizing or insulting.  So sorry, you don't speak for all fathers.  

So maybe instead of BEING rude and patronizing yourself - you should take your own advice and "READ CAREFULLY, DON'T LOSE TRACK"....

[cathy]

I assume I am one of "those two".  Amazingly, you could take your own advice as well "IF THEY DON'T LIKE THE RESPONSES, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE."

You see, it isn't a matter of whether I "like" the responses or not.  I am honestly trying to present another view perhaps, to understand the position of the poster, and to clarify what they may be saying.  Perhaps even offer them some insight they didn't have previously.

A LOT of times, I am actually looking for further insight, hoping to gain a different perspective.  For the most part, I think my post are polite - until I start getting rude, abusive responses.  

So far as your question - who is watching the kids?  I have 2 stepchildren that are in school.  When they are home, my husband and I are watching them - as much as a 13 and 15 year need to be watched.