What do you think of this letter?

[Davy]

I don't know ANY father that would treat a mother indignantly because they have a heart and are NOT encouraged by government to do so.

[MYSONSDAD]

I would like to stay and argue some more, but I have to go to work to pay my CS...

Fathers are shown to be more understanding and cooperative to the NCP, probably because they have 'been there' more often. And while we are on the subject, What about the NCP moms who don't pay support?

Let's not make this a gender issue.

[MYSONSDAD]

"Don't twist ... just read and comprehend"

I don't think she understands this...


"Children learn what they live"

[catherine]

OHHH, you are making it a gender thing?  I think it's more of a NCP/CP thing.  I honestly don't know what you think I'm twisting.  Your comment comes out of the blue and has nothing to do with my post.  

[Wi-Mom]

My ex lives a mile away. The kids can ride their bikes over to his house any time they want and they do. Still, they sleep pretty much here at home.. he sends them back in the evening cuz he just doesn't have a lot of room over there right now. (he moved in with his new wife and all her kids and mom... etc)

My biggest "issue" with him is that if the kids didn't go over there on their own he wouldn't even notice. He wouldn't come and get them.. he just simply wouldn't see them. Normally, over the last four years I would make an excuse to the kids, and then go to him and sternly ask him to stop ignoring his kids. He's always sorry and remorseful and for a few weeks starts paying attention to them. It is a rare occasion that he takes them for a walk or a bike ride or to the movies.. and it makes me sad.

This time, my youngest son who absolutely worships his Dad is getting tired of being ignored so he's not been there since Tuesday and he's waiting for so much as a phone call from him saying, "where are ya?" For a kid who rides over there for a couple of hours pretty much every night... that's been a long time.. and sure enough not a phone call from Dad yet!

As I've stated before, he has no interest in taking them shopping or worrying about signing them up for school or even making sure they do their homework for that matter. On the rare occasion that he does want to take them out for clothes for a wedding.. I HAND him the checkbook and he pays for their clothes from the child support he pays ME. Nothing from his own funds. He only EVER buys them toys, or things on birthdays and christmas.. THAT's IT! The rest he leaves up to me. So honestly, I think the child support is fair in OUR CASE. I think.

Now, I do see him going to work every day.. and he's in his mid fortys. I'm watching him age and continuing to do a very physical job. He looks tired. I'm seeing his hands begin to turn and his knuckles start to show signs of rhumetoid arthritis (too tired to spell it right) and though I've talked to him about it.. he isn't seeking medical attention. It must be difficult for him.. and yet he always goes to work..and he always looks tired.. and I'd just like to remind him that I appreciate his efforts. He's not perfect.. but I can appreciate the good things and I'd like to.

[catherine]

We are dealing with an NCP mother who quit her job once the garnishment was in effect and was found to be $4000 in arrears at this point.

I'd like some data for this opinion: "Fathers are shown to be more understanding and cooperative to the NCP, probably because they have 'been there' more often."  I might agree with you to a degree, but I honestly think that there are alot of jerks our there, male and female.

[catherine]

I have about another poster and you jumped to her defense - This is why you are hounding me?

[Davy]

She appears to be so "government issued" that it's probably not fair for either of us to try to explain it to her.

[cathy]

but I don't know that I would say almost ALL fathers I've encountered.  Sure there are some, and there are others that would prefer the mother be the primary custodian.

I know woman who have voluntarily agreed to the father having primary custody because the father was the better person.  I know a father that has sole custody because the mother didn't pick the kid up from daycare when the kid was 6 months old - and hasn't been seen since.

I know fathers who would go nuts and have no clue what to do with primary custody.  I know fathers that financially supported the family while the mother stayed home and was the primary caregiver, and as a result, feels that the mother is better capable of being primary caregiver.

There are many shades and flavors - and I don't think we should paint ALL fathers with the same paintbrush and we shouldn't paing ALL mothers with the same paintbrush.

And I truly hope your comment was made "tongue-in-cheek".  I would hate to think most of the fathers you know would want to be encouraged to resist allowing a relationship with the other parent.  I truly hope that NO parent would be tickled pink by this - but instead would WANT to encourage a relationship with the other parent.

[cathy]

First you say "almost ALL fathers I've encountered would be tickled pink .... and then encourage the father to resist allowing a relationship with the other parent."

Then you say you don't know ANY father that would treat a mother indignantly.

I hope that the first post was a "mistype" and you didn't mean that fathers would be happy about being encouraged to not allow a relationship with the other parent.

I also would hope that you didn't know ANY mothers that would treat a father indignantly.

Realistically, I think we all typically know fathers who are shits and mothers who are shits.  Neither gender has cornered the market on being a bad parent - and neither has cornered the market on being a good parent.