Can he modify support?

[madmom]

Hi,

My ex husband is taking me to court to modify child support because our son was sent to incarceration for over a year.  He wants it changed to take my son off so I only get support for my daughter.  Can he do this?  My husband and I just bought a new house and if support is changed I won't be able to afford the payments now.  Also he is related to his lawyer and I will have to pay a lawyer to keep him from doing this to me.  What can I do to keep support where it is?  Can I make him pay for a lawyer for me so he doesn't trash my rights here?

[wendl]

You never know with the system.

How old is your son that is incarreated?? Personally WHY should you have have to pay for a child that YOU are NOT helping to support considering he is not in your home.

Sorry but it sounds selfish to me that omg my hubby and I just bought a house and cannot afford the payment IF my ex gets CS reduced or stopped, GET A SECOND JOB then.  It is NOT your ex's responsiblity to make your house payment, and personally he shouldn't have to pay cs for a child that in NOT in your home nor that you are financially supporting.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[madmom]

My son is 13.  He should have to continue paying because I will need a home for our son when he gets out.  I can't work.  I have 3  kids and I stay home with them because I wouldn't make enough to pay for their daycare.  He makes more then enough money.  I just don't know what to do.

[wendl]

Well I am not one to respond then, I am a CP of a 12 1/2yr old son who's ex does not  pay support (well sometimes) I personally look at it as you shouldn't count on cs as it may not always be there.

Just cuz you have 3 other kids is no excuse NOT to work, my best friend has 4 kids ranging from 3-17 and her ex doesn't pay cs, she was a stay home mom for 10yrs before the divorce, she had to go to work to support her kids, like many woman do.  She just goes without a lot, and she had to get a cheaper house that she could afford on her own.

Since there has been a change in circumstance, then the courts may reduce cs and may also impute your income as each parent has a financial obligation to support their children.

All I can say is do what you can, any parent can request a modification, now its up to the courts to see if it should be increased/decreased or stopped all together.

As for hiring an attorney, cs is pretty cut and dry they go by calculations, time spent with kids etc.  You probably could do this without and attorney, go down to the law library and do some research, I am sure you wouldn't qualify for legal aid, based on your currents husbands income.

Also in some states cs is based on incomes of spouses too, not sure about your state though I would look into it.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[cathy]

If they are your kids by your new husband, well - you don't get to use them as an excuse for not working and making your ex pay more child support.  And really, that is an excuse.  There are LOTS of woman who have kids ranging in all ages that have to work - somehow they manage to do it.

And so far as not being able to make your house payment?!?!?!?!  Why in the world would you buy a house that you had to depend on CHILD SUPPORT to make the payments?  I have always had a problem with a custodial parent saying child support should be used to help with the house payment because the kid needs a roof over their head.  First - are you going to give that child the equity in the house that THEIR child support paid for?  Second - doesn't the other parent also have to put a roof over the kids' heads when they are with them?

Now - so far as the reduction because your kid is incarcerated - - who knows?  I doubt he gets a reduction, but he may.  And really, why wouldn't he?  What cost are you incurring for that child during the year he isn't living with you?  Frankly, I think he does deserve to have the child support reduced during that time.....but generally, I don't think the courts like to muck around with the amount for temporary situations.  

(BTW - my husband has custody of his 2 girls and we receive child support.  If one of them were not living with us, I certainly wouldn't expect us to get child support for her.  It isn't money that is owed to US, but rather owed to the child for their support.  We as the parents are just the guardians of that money)

[madmom]

The third child is from my marriage to my ex.  He is claiming he should not pay me because he will have to pay the state for the incarceration.  Since I do not have an income I don't have to pay thank goodness.  We had to get another house because we did not have enough room and the mortgage company said my child support was ok to use as income.   I am upset because he doesn't have to pay for an attorney and I will have to.  He only wants to pay for our daughter and not our son and this is wrong.  He will only be away for a year and will need a room when he gets back.  

[cathy]

he is already paying to support his son.  Why should he have to pay you as well?

So far as the attorney - you can be upset, but that's about all.  I think my husband's ex found an attorney that did a lot of pro bono work on her behalf.  Yeah - it wasn't fun having to pay out of our ass for an attorney to defend against her insane complaints when she was paying nothing (or very little) - - but that's life.

I just really don't understand why you think your ex should be responsible for paying you to support his son when you aren't providing for your son......especially if he is having to pay the state to take care of his son!  How do you see that as being right?

[kiddosmom]

wait a minute....

he has to PAY the state for your son being there....

and you are complaining because he doesn't want to pay YOU and THEM???

and then you also complain that he might be getting a break on lawyer fees?

lady you have seriously come to the wrong site for these complaints...

[wendl]

Your ex has to pay the state for your sons incarceration and you feel you should still get child support too. How wrong is that, in my opinion he is paying cs support to the state for housing and feeding your son while he is in  juvie or whatever he is in, so you think its fair for your ex to pay the state to house your son while incarcrated and child support to you. OMG that is just wrong.

Guess what honey, I would LOVE to buy a house so we had more room for the kids BUT wait we can' t my ex must pay cs to an ex that doesn't spend the money on the kids and I have to support my son without or with very little child support from my ex.

You need a reality check, how would you feel if the tables were turned and you were your ex having to pay cs to you and to the state, you would feel the same way he does.

PS Custodial mothers  like you give mothers like Kiddosmom and I a bad name.

you CAN work part time while the kids are in school, IF your hubby is self employed he could work around a schedule to allow you to work some.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[kiddosmom]

Who's custody was he in when he commited whatever crime to be stuck with the state???

Perhaps they will look at it as dad's might be better for the boy once he is out if mom cannot control him.