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If you accumulate 1,000,000 karma points, we'll give a coupon good for dinner. (I'm kidding!)

You had me going there for a second! LOL

LOL, I'm gonna pass this around the office.

Is there a custody/visitation order in place already?  If so, you would file to modify visitation in the same court that issued that order.
If your ex is agreeable to letting you have more time then that would definitely make it easier.

No not yet, still waiting to see what BM has to say...

My husband had requested a protective order for my SD, but the judge's secretary said that we couldn't see the judge on Friday until after my SD's flight was scheduled to leave. The secretary said it would be best to put her on the plane and then file a custody modification. I still don't know if I agree with her advice given the situation at that time, but that's past.

Right now we are still trying to set up a phone conference with BM and Stepdad. BM hasn't been able to agree on a time yet though. We are still a bit suspicious that BM is just saying some of this to try to protect herself since regardless of what BM says, we know that BM has been heavily involving SD in the past court history, because SD knows all about it and we didn't tell her anything about court.

So right now we are cautiously waiting it out. Checking the court website everyday to make sure BM hasn't filed anything. SD is scheduled to be home at the end of July a few days before school starts.

So is there any existing custody order?

In my husband's situation, BM had default custody by NV state law but there was no official order. After SD had been living with us in AZ for 2 years my husband was able to get temporary emergency custody in AZ because BM was threatening to come to AZ from NV and pickup SD due to my husband not BM paying child support. After that my husband and BM settled on him having primary custody in mediation.

Not necessarily. It depends on the law in whatever state is looking at the case.

First as a stepmom myself I would be careful about referring to any of the custody being yours. I know it's hard, because I've had to deal with that distinction myself as a stepmom, but that's just how it is. Second, hopefully mediation will work out where your husband and his ex can agree on a schedule that give both as much time as possible. Do you live close to each other? If no agreement can be reached, then my question is how long ago did the abuse occur at BM's house. Were any authorities ever contacted? Any investigations or charges? We were able to use an old case of abuse against my SD by her half-brother while at BM's house to defend against some of BM's accusations against us many years after the incident. But the case happened when my SD was 2 and at the time we brought it up in court she was 7. It really just depends on a lot of factors and what proof you have. Have you asked your attorney?

Well good luck.

I'm eager to hear your experiences in this state.