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Messages - balleros

Cancel? cancel what? he never commits to anything...
he has had the same job and although his 2 days off may vary, he always has Sunday off which is his visitation day and if he doesn't have Sunday, he has Saturday.
He has no other kids he needs to spend time with
he just is not quite there I guess
I told him that we had an IEP meeting. He said "I work at that time". i work too but I attended. I said "I can't spend any more money on a Math tutor. he said "I will work with him". he said tat on a Thursday and he was talking about meeting on Saturday or Sunday. Then he changed it to possibly the following week or the week after. C' has a need NOW...not whenever he wants
My son is 9 and his biological father was 100% absent until he was 8. Then with Covid 19, he started to see him on frequent basis. he was seeing him weekly which is what our visitation agreement say. From March to September, they had started to connect.There was a dead in his family at the end of September and that's when his father stopped visits and contact. I respected his need for space at the beginning. Then I started to get pissed. Anyway, besides therapy, has anyone found a solution to not caring about inconsistent visits?
I mean this is not good for my son but I am in two minds between closing the door and allowing these inconsitencies
tips? ideas?

I would agree with you in terms of not wanting to go with father because of other things but so far, most activities he has done with his father are activities he would do with me, too. We have done mainly family outings: bike, hike, walk, museum. Only two visits they were alone. For one they went on a bike ride and for the other on a car ride and my son showed him his school and fav places.
but yes, he needs to get used to the new situation.
I do have to bring up my boyfriend because he has been around since the pregnancy and my son considered him family way before I did.
My son's father was absent for most of my son's life. He started to spend time with my son since this pandemic affected us. But since they never developed a relationship, I was around them for most of the visits. I did try to have them alone so that they could connect. I would say that his father visited him about 6  times since March.
Well this weekend my son said that he does not like to hang out with his father.
He knows that his father is safe and he is not a bad guy but clearly,my son knows he was absent for so long and he has already established a solid relationship with my boyfriend.
I am trying to be understanding of everyone here.
First, my kid. He knows that we can't fight feelings and if he feels that he does not like to hang out with his father,then those are his true feelings and I want to acknowledge them.
Then, his father. he does know that my son sees my boyfriend as a father figure and he knows that my son is not ready to call him father.
At the moment, he does not know what my son shared with me.
Any advice on how to proceed.
we were used to being ignored or ghosted and now this is a new situation.
I am posting this here because all NCP has is visitation. But this really belong in the "immature" forum.
My son's father was a ghost for YEARS and within the last 2 months he started contact with me. My son is 7, he doesnt have a phone so all contact has to go through me.
He first texted me through a number that I didn't have on my contact lists and he said "don't use my other number".
I figured he had changed it.
One day I accidentally called the old number and I got to his voicemail so I guess his phone was active. A few days after that, his sister visited us and I she confirmed that the old number was active. I figured he has created a google number or skype number so that his wife would not have access to texts or calls he places. yeah he got married about 5 years ago and I got a letter from her attorney stating that my son can never visit his home. So clearly she knows he has a son. The biggest issue I had with the texts were most of the time non son related such as "have a great day", "good morning" etc.
Anyway, I sent NCP an email saying that we do not accept anymore calls from X number and he can contact me from his regular phone number. It was not a problem for him. He started sending the same type of messages by email and then he started calling but through Facetime which he turns off the video function when we pickup. So obviously, he is still trying to keep his phone activity at hidden level. Does this bother me? of course ! If he can't be mature enough to be open about having a son, why would I even expose my son to it?

NCP is almost 50. This type of behavior is unacceptable.
Am I wrong for wanting proper communication?
If my son can't get the respect he deserves, why bother?

Is there anything I can do about this?

My son is 7 years old and he has been raised solely by me .His father has ONLY visitation on Sundays that he never served. As we finish the 7th year, he started contact again but it is more annoying that beneficial. I mean how can he actually build a bond with the type of communication he establishes?

What do I call annoying?
sending me an email that does not address my son at all. Here is his message:

"Merry Christmas.  Hope u have a good day".

Also, on Saturday he sent mean email asking me to pick up a toy for my son at a Target near me.I am trying to be nice so I said "I don't mind picking it up but it might be better if I save it and you give it to him when you see ". He responded and he said he was going to let me know. I told him to let me know before 11 pm on Dec 24 as I was going to put all presents by the tree. He never did.

He only lives 58 miles away and yes, I don't expect me to make a complete change but what he is doing is not that positive either

any thoughts into this ?

I don't want to close the door but ...
so after 7 years of being a ghost, my son's father is trying to reconnect.
I have no problem with that but the way he is doing it is not even that beneficial to create a bond.
Example 1: he showed up at a soccer game but he didn't stay for the end so they really didn't talk.

example 2: he asked me to pick up from Target a gift for my son for Christmas. yeah great....Nut I told him it would mean more if he actually brings it over.

He lives 8 miles away but I don't see that he TRYING is trying enough.
do I just play along?
play it by ear?
ask for consistency?
My order was established when my son was a baby. It was never modified.
I was wondering if items like ONE sport per season ( equipment or uniform plus fees ) is something that people include on their order.
So far, we have done it without attorneys

I am trying to figure out if anything needs to be added.

Long story short, my son is 7 and I get child support since he was 2. I filed and neither I nor NCP paid attorneys. We just went by what the court ordered.
NCP has visitation on Sundays but he never serves it.
I am going through a life changing situation and I am having surgery soon. I needed to change my guardianship papers because the person who was listed (NCP sister) has already passed. I asked a parelagal about the fees to re do it and   she suggested reviewing my entire child support since it was never modified, not even to meet COLA standards. I asked her for the fees and she said "wait until we do a final search on the father and see if changes of work or anything else come up". well it turns out the NCP owns a yacht. It seems that he purchased it the same year my son was born. Yes, I know it does not affect the child support amount because his new wife could have bought it or it could be under her name. But it does hurt to see that it is all over social media and my son (who already knows about google can easily find it).  So since he just initiated contact again with me to see my son and see how things are going, I ended up asking him. He said "I don't own a yacht". I asked if his wide owned it and he continued to say no. It is all on social media but well....his words. I did bring up how I learned about it and I told him the truth: the paralegal insisted that for a man who lives where he lives, the amount I was getting was too little and they did some research.
I made it clear that I had not agreed to file for a modification and I only wanted to know the truth. But he got on the defensive side and he said he was going to talk to an attorney even though he tried hard for these 7 years to avoid spending money on one.

anyway, long story to ask, shall I be worried? he can talk to an attorney but there is nothing he can do to lower child support (I think). I make the same income plus standard raise. He can never say that I m an unfit mother.
so, is there anything he can do EVEN if HE TALKS TO AN ATTORNEY?Shall i just chill and continue with our own lives?
My son is 7 and I have full and sole custody. His father has visitation every Sunday but he never served it.
it was granted two years ago.
Shall I leave things the way they are or go to court to have it removed completely?
Let's say that he spent 3 hours with his son in 7 years over a period of 8 visits.