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My son is 9 and his biological father was 100% absent until he was 8. Then with Covid 19, he started to see him on frequent basis. he was seeing him weekly which is what our visitation agreement say. From March to September, they had started to connect.There was a dead in his family at the end of September and that's when his father stopped visits and contact. I respected his need for space at the beginning. Then I started to get pissed. Anyway, besides therapy, has anyone found a solution to not caring about inconsistent visits?
I mean this is not good for my son but I am in two minds between closing the door and allowing these inconsitencies
tips? ideas?


My son's father was absent for most of my son's life. He started to spend time with my son since this pandemic affected us. But since they never developed a relationship, I was around them for most of the visits. I did try to have them alone so that they could connect. I would say that his father visited him about 6  times since March.
Well this weekend my son said that he does not like to hang out with his father.
He knows that his father is safe and he is not a bad guy but clearly,my son knows he was absent for so long and he has already established a solid relationship with my boyfriend.
I am trying to be understanding of everyone here.
First, my kid. He knows that we can't fight feelings and if he feels that he does not like to hang out with his father,then those are his true feelings and I want to acknowledge them.
Then, his father. he does know that my son sees my boyfriend as a father figure and he knows that my son is not ready to call him father.
At the moment, he does not know what my son shared with me.
Any advice on how to proceed.
we were used to being ignored or ghosted and now this is a new situation.

I am posting this here because all NCP has is visitation. But this really belong in the "immature" forum.
My son's father was a ghost for YEARS and within the last 2 months he started contact with me. My son is 7, he doesnt have a phone so all contact has to go through me.
He first texted me through a number that I didn't have on my contact lists and he said "don't use my other number".
I figured he had changed it.
One day I accidentally called the old number and I got to his voicemail so I guess his phone was active. A few days after that, his sister visited us and I she confirmed that the old number was active. I figured he has created a google number or skype number so that his wife would not have access to texts or calls he places. yeah he got married about 5 years ago and I got a letter from her attorney stating that my son can never visit his home. So clearly she knows he has a son. The biggest issue I had with the texts were most of the time non son related such as "have a great day", "good morning" etc.
Anyway, I sent NCP an email saying that we do not accept anymore calls from X number and he can contact me from his regular phone number. It was not a problem for him. He started sending the same type of messages by email and then he started calling but through Facetime which he turns off the video function when we pickup. So obviously, he is still trying to keep his phone activity at hidden level. Does this bother me? of course ! If he can't be mature enough to be open about having a son, why would I even expose my son to it?

NCP is almost 50. This type of behavior is unacceptable.
Am I wrong for wanting proper communication?
If my son can't get the respect he deserves, why bother?

Is there anything I can do about this?

My son is 7 years old and he has been raised solely by me .His father has ONLY visitation on Sundays that he never served. As we finish the 7th year, he started contact again but it is more annoying that beneficial. I mean how can he actually build a bond with the type of communication he establishes?

What do I call annoying?
sending me an email that does not address my son at all. Here is his message:

"Merry Christmas.  Hope u have a good day".

Also, on Saturday he sent mean email asking me to pick up a toy for my son at a Target near me.I am trying to be nice so I said "I don't mind picking it up but it might be better if I save it and you give it to him when you see ". He responded and he said he was going to let me know. I told him to let me know before 11 pm on Dec 24 as I was going to put all presents by the tree. He never did.

He only lives 58 miles away and yes, I don't expect me to make a complete change but what he is doing is not that positive either

any thoughts into this ?

I don't want to close the door but ...

so after 7 years of being a ghost, my son's father is trying to reconnect.
I have no problem with that but the way he is doing it is not even that beneficial to create a bond.
Example 1: he showed up at a soccer game but he didn't stay for the end so they really didn't talk.

example 2: he asked me to pick up from Target a gift for my son for Christmas. yeah great....Nut I told him it would mean more if he actually brings it over.

He lives 8 miles away but I don't see that he TRYING is trying enough.
do I just play along?
play it by ear?
ask for consistency?

Child Support Issues / Child support for school aged kids?
« on: Nov 25, 2018, 06:47:34 PM »
My order was established when my son was a baby. It was never modified.
I was wondering if items like ONE sport per season ( equipment or uniform plus fees ) is something that people include on their order.
So far, we have done it without attorneys

I am trying to figure out if anything needs to be added.


Long story short, my son is 7 and I get child support since he was 2. I filed and neither I nor NCP paid attorneys. We just went by what the court ordered.
NCP has visitation on Sundays but he never serves it.
I am going through a life changing situation and I am having surgery soon. I needed to change my guardianship papers because the person who was listed (NCP sister) has already passed. I asked a parelagal about the fees to re do it and   she suggested reviewing my entire child support since it was never modified, not even to meet COLA standards. I asked her for the fees and she said "wait until we do a final search on the father and see if changes of work or anything else come up". well it turns out the NCP owns a yacht. It seems that he purchased it the same year my son was born. Yes, I know it does not affect the child support amount because his new wife could have bought it or it could be under her name. But it does hurt to see that it is all over social media and my son (who already knows about google can easily find it).  So since he just initiated contact again with me to see my son and see how things are going, I ended up asking him. He said "I don't own a yacht". I asked if his wide owned it and he continued to say no. It is all on social media but well....his words. I did bring up how I learned about it and I told him the truth: the paralegal insisted that for a man who lives where he lives, the amount I was getting was too little and they did some research.
 I made it clear that I had not agreed to file for a modification and I only wanted to know the truth. But he got on the defensive side and he said he was going to talk to an attorney even though he tried hard for these 7 years to avoid spending money on one.

anyway, long story to ask, shall I be worried? he can talk to an attorney but there is nothing he can do to lower child support (I think). I make the same income plus standard raise. He can never say that I m an unfit mother.
so, is there anything he can do EVEN if HE TALKS TO AN ATTORNEY?Shall i just chill and continue with our own lives?

My son is 7 and I have full and sole custody. His father has visitation every Sunday but he never served it.
it was granted two years ago.
Shall I leave things the way they are or go to court to have it removed completely?
Let's say that he spent 3 hours with his son in 7 years over a period of 8 visits.

I had a lovely son in 2011 while not being married to his biological father and as soon as my son was born, I requested child support but I never thought of custody since having my last name and no contact with dad, I didn't think I needed to.
We had a lot of medical bills from out of network that between bio dad insurance and mine, I could have received 90 % back but each reimbursement bio dad received (for money I had paid), never came to me but to him and I never saw it. Legal aid at court suggested filing for custody so that bio dad insurance would have papers indicating that the reimbursements needed to come to custodial parent.
In 2015 I filed for sole custody (allowing visitation) and requested bio dad to pay his unpaid 50 % of medical bills. we had a meditation. Father never showed up.
I went to court in January and father did not show up.I had spoken to him before going to court and he had said that he was going to call court and ask for continuance on the day of court as he had an important work commitment. I was at court and the clerk expressed precisely the same. The judge called me and she realized that there was a child support petition (unpaid medical bills) so she said that I needed to go to another court for that (the one where we have alwayts gone to for support)  and that the clerk was going to give me the new court date. Judge was ready to dismiss me and I reminded her that I was also filing for custody and she said that the entire case was moved to the other court house.
I was dismissed and I was given the time and date to go back to court in March.
March arrived and for the first time, the timing was not goof for me so I told bio dad that I was going to call and ask for continuance. I did call at 8 am on the day of our court date and to my surprise, the clerk told me that the judge back in January did issue a ruling and she had given me full sole custody and zero visitation to dad .
I was speechless
I am not mad but I found it odd that she would dismiss me and then there is a ruling and neither father not mother have a copy of it.
Does this often happen?
I was told to go back to the courthouse and request a copy
I won't be able to go until After April 12 and since I don't have a parenting plan, it doesn't affect my daily like at all but I am just surprised at the whole thing
Could it be that the judge simply saw no biological father present and she ended up making up her decision?
any thoughts?
could father question the validity of this?
I doubt he will

I posted a day ago about what to expect at a court hearing for custody.Right  after my post, I received a text from bio father asking me to cancel my petition for sole custody or to postpone it as he can't make it (he has to work). He didn't show to the mediation appointment also because of work.I work too and I took time off for the mediation appointment and I was planning on taking time off for the court date.
He does not want court to decide on sole custody or not and he wants "us" to talk. My son is 4 1/2 and I have been giving this man opportunities to talk since I was pregnant and opportunities to spend time with his son. My first response to his text was "I will think about it but I don't think I can cancel with two day notice".I thought I Had to go and show up and ask to postpone it. Bio father kept engaging in texting all weekend and he keeps saying he will change things around etc etc.
it was nerve-racking. I ended up saying that today.I told him I was very disappointed and I was not sure what I was going to do. His last text said that if I postpone the date or go ahead with court, he will stop handling things personally and he will send an attorney to all hearing and have "no personal involvement".
I am getting child support but this was my first time filing for custody and granting him visitation (that he never used). he spent less than an hour in 4 1/2 years with my son.he only made the effort of "visiting" him because he wanted to swab him for a DNA test.
My options now are :
1. not show up and forget about this and continue to receive child support.My kid has my last name so it doesn't affect me much
2. show up on Wednesday and see what the judge says.
3. show up on wed and ask to postpone it
4.Any other option?

For now, I have decided not to respond to any other text from father
I would LOVE any input as I doubt I can take time off on Monday or Tuesday to see an attorney since court date is Wed

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