The storm...knew it was coming

[catherine]

Invested in your kid's welfare or the future of your relationship with your kids?  Yes, the attorney sure is invested.  It's all money in their pocket.  Every call (he/she did this, what do I do?) is paying for the attorney's kids college.  

I said it once but maybe you missed this part:  Your lawyer works for YOU, you don't work for them.  You call the shots.  Awaiting hearing back from the attorney while the kids are left disappointed, hurt, and being manipulated by their Mother, is not a smart thing to do.

[catherine]

The mother isn't deliberately trying to move the kids to make Dad be absent.  The mother is selfish and is now married to someone who lives in another State.  Life changes after divorce, end of story.  What other abuse did I miss since you claim I don't know the whole story?

Interesting how many people accept that cheating and breaking up a marriage is fine and dandy for the kids to bear witness, but when a parent is trying to move on after divorce, she is selfish?  Maybe those that screw around while married are SELFISH too.

[Kitty C.]

Let me see if I can make it plainer with an example............

DH and PBFH live in the same small town.  DH works for a company that requires him to be out of town ALL week.  To be honest, it would be more economical for us to move closer to the 'center of things' in regards to his work, but we won't.  And it makes no difference whether we're CP or NCP.  Yes, both have remarried and gone on with their lives. BUT they STILL have that child as a tie between them.  NOTHING would make DH move away from here, even if he had custody.  And if PBFH ever decided to take a hike, to 'move on with her life' as you say, DH would fight it tooth and nail.  Besides, they've been divorced for over 7 years.  She HAS 'moved on'........'moving on' and moving physically are two different things.  'Moving on' is only a mental process.

Yes, they have lives to lead, BUT don't the kids come first, and don't the kids DESERVE BOTH PARENTS?  In this instance, the BM is FULLY capable of moving on with her life without moving 3000 miles away.  Plus, moving in with a man who doesn't want to leave his ADULT children???  Apparently they both aren't playing with a full deck and don't give a rat's ass about the children or their relationship with their father.

It's not about who's being selfish, it's about who's be responsible to the children, and she certainly isn't.

[MYSONSDAD]

You are not seeing the whole picture here...

"Children learn what they live"

[Genie]

in IL you can't record without a court order unless BOTH parties agree to the recording. So basically the other has to be informed each time and that person has to agree to the recording or it isn't legal and is in fact illegal and can get you in trouble.  I know many other states have the same such law.  I wouldn't trust the certified letter to do the trick here. That wouldn't even come close to flying in my state.

Because of all the he said, she said last time my DH and BM were in court and judge knowing DH was telling the truth but not being able to prove, he wrote in the court order that DH could record the conversations when he was calling to confirm visitation time. But of course then, she just refused to get on the phone etc.

I think this case is not as cut and dry as it seems. BM has a right to move on with her life and find someone else that she can be happy with and be married to just as Will and Kitten have.  I wouldn't be happy about the move to Alaska either but many many people move away.  Going to court to dispute it is the right course of manner here but there is no guarentees that the judge will tell her she can't move. And with the children being 7 yrs and younger, they don't get a say (usually).

I see 2 people who want to be with the children and doing whatever is possible to make that happen.  But both sides can't always win.  My DH's ex was married to a man previously who had a good possibility of being transferred to Colorado.  Yeah, he would've disputed it but the judge would've let them move (9 times out of 10 cases) so there wouldn't have been alot to do.

I agree also that the letter should've been signed but I would've made it very clear the letter would've only been pertaining to these specific dates and not visitation in the whole.  I'm sure the attorney would agree it would've been fine to do.  Just like Catherine and Raisin stated, sometimes you have to pick your battles.  Anytime you ask for change in visitation, you have to expect this. Remember: She doesn't have to change the schedule b/c he has to work or can't make it. It is his responsibility to make sure he can make it on his times and dates.

[kitten]

You must have missed the part where this so called mother has and will continue to exaggerate EVERYTHING to gain full custody.  She has blatanly lied to everyone including the kids about their Dad.  WE are not spending the kids college money on the attorney.  As a matter of fact, SHE stole the childrens college money out of the account that they established together while they were married.  You don't know what lengths this woman has gone to to remove their father from there lives.  You have no idea what you are commenting on.  BTW...what is your background and why are you posting on a Father's Issues forum?

[MYSONSDAD]

I asked her the same thing with no reply...

"Children learn what they live"

[kitten]

 Anytime you ask for change in
>visitation, you have to expect this. Remember: She doesn't
>have to change the schedule b/c he has to work or can't make
>it. It is his responsibility to make sure he can make it on
>his times and dates.

No sh*t sherlock.

[kitten]

>kitten, get the devise, use it, document her ass and make DAMN
>sure that ALL this info gets back to the producers, just so
>they and Dr. Phil can see just how wrong they were.  Tell them
>that you stuck your necks out on this, based upon help THEY
>offered, and the children deserve better than this.  Back 'em
>into a corner and make them honor their committments.


We will do that.  Thanks, Kitty.

[MYSONSDAD]

It is legal to video tape in Illinois.

This is out in California, not Illinois.

Yes, Will moved on, but did not move away...

I suggested taping for the mediator to get a better idea on the conflict going on. Not to bring it into court.