The storm...knew it was coming

[catherine]

.

[Genie]

these battles are not the GF's or SW's battles to wage. These are the DH's children and they ultimately are the ones that need to do what is needed when it comes to the children.

If I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't have taken as big of role in the battles with our PB. It was alot easier for me to deal with than DH b/c PB and I could talk alot better than he could with her. I love my SKs and have always tried to make things as best as possible for them but the crap I have been put through and the ringer I have been through by both PB and the SKs is something I would never do again. I would've rather than that fun person they hang with when over than the person trying to get all this crap done that will never happen.

And also being cooperative and compromising is a 2 way street. And both parties always think they are bending over backwards to accomodate the other and getting no cooperation in return.

[kitten]

I no longer intend to reply to her, she has only been rude and judgmental.  She has been through alot too, but seems to have forgotten we are here to support each other through this crap.  I come here for support from others who have experience.  Length of time on this forum does not give anyone a free pass to kick someone while they are down.  

[kitten]

First let me apologize to you, Genie.  You seem to be actually trying to help and I think I jumped the gun a bit with you.  Some of the things you said were a little redundant and obvious, but I realize you don't know all the details of our case.  I understand more where you are coming from after this post.  

"Since you commented on how uncooperative she has been with the scheduling, it seems that this type of thing happens more than often. "

It happens more than he would like, but it is just the type of work he does.  The same type of work he did when they were married so she does understand how unpredictable his schedule can be.  Before she got engaged to her now husband, (3 months after the seraration) she was being very flexible because she understands his work schedule.  Since she decided to move, she has been relentless.  My bf does everything he can to be there and usually is, but occasionally he just can't and it kills him.  She should be helping the kids to understand when this does happen instead of bad mouthing him and telling them that Daddy just doesn't want to see them.  

[cathy]

No - I don't know this whole situation - and that perhaps is a good thing as it gives a different perspective.

Obviously, there are issues here - but I really don't see this as much of a "storm".  She IS cooperating....it is your BF that is asking her to be flexible and change and she is AGREEING!  

So he signs something that says "Due to work requirement, I was unable to exercise my scheduled time from 6-8pm on Sept xx,2004.  Ex-wife cooperated and agreed to allow me to make this time up by extending the weekend visitation to xxxxxxx"  

What's the problem with that?  It is simply a statement of fact.  If she is uncooperative 50 times, and only cooperative this once - I don't think that piece of paper is going to mean much.  But it may help in some small way to get to a more cooperative stance.

I got to say though, compared to stories I've read and issues I've had - - - this seems more of a very small annoyance rather than a storm!

Just curious - how do you know the kids are "devasted" by this, or even that she had told them that visitation had changed?

[kitten]

No, that is only a small headwind!  LOL  I was just calling it a storm because she had not caused any problems for a few days before that and I had referrred to that as the calm before the storm.  I does apear that she was trying to cooperate, but like you said you don't know the whole situation.  If her past behavior and her motivations had been different, the note would not have been an issue, he would have gladly signed.  

We know because they don't want to go back home when they are with him.  The oldest tells him at least once a week that he does not want to go to Alaska and wants to live with his Dad.  He does not understand why he can't choose and why his Dad can't stop the move.  Dad only tells him he is doing his best and that he loves him.  We also know she told the kids the visitaion changed because his son called and told his Dad he was excited to see him Friday night.  If she does not want to change the visitation, fine.  She has that right according to the CO, but don't tell the kids they will see their Dad and then change it on them.  
You know, she has just as much right to move on with her life as anybody.  She married the man she wanted to marry, so why can't he move here?  He has two grown children in Alaska.  He chose a woman with very young children that have a Dad that is very much an active part of their lives.  Why can't they let the children grow up where they have the other parent  and their friends in the neighborhood they are used to?  In a climate that they grew up in?  They will go from a town of about 80,000 to a town of 900 people.  From California where the coldest it gets in their area is 32 degrees to a place where the average temp in January is -11.  Sometimes people don't leave their homes for weeks at a time because it is so cold.  Then they will have to travel 3000 miles 5 times a year to see their Dad.  This will be major shock for them.  Not to mention missing their Dad.

[Kitty C.]

You're right ............you DON'T know the whole situation.

kitten said 'She then called back to say that she wants him to sign something saying that she has been flexible with his visitation which she has not and he stated so on Dr Phil. He said he would think about it. His attorney is out of town for two weeks. She called him two hours before he is to pick them up tonight and told him that if he does not sign, he cannot make up the visitation tonight.'  That's NOT 'agreeing' on her part, that's bribery and coersion.  On top of that, she didn't even have the decency to NOT tell the kids about it, just so she could set them up for a fall, making it sound like their father was rejecting them AGAIN, as she has done many times in the past.

What mother in her 'right' mind would put her children thru such mental tourture ON PURPOSE?  If one of the kids calls Dad and blames HIM for something SHE did, I call that PAS, pure and simple...........

[Raisin_3]

She was willing to switch if he signed something stating it.  SO SIGN IT.  Dont blame her for the fact that he would not sign and then the kids were upset and crying.

And dont think I dont know what they are dealing with.  I am a CP step mom who has been through more then 1 custody battle.  There still has to come a time someone becomes the adult.

[Kitty C.]

Blatantly telling the kids that their Dad doesn't want them because he refuses to sign HER piece of paper is NOT being an adult.  This lady's MO ALL along has been coersion and distortion.......and putting the kids smack in the middle of it all on the premise to make HIM look bad, all the while heaping mental abuse on her own children.  

If, for just ONE instance, she had the children's best interests at heart, none of this would be going on.

[Raisin_3]

You are saying only you can post here for support for your husband?  No other CP step moms mean anything because the world revolves around you?

I am a CP step mom for 7 years.  I came here to read about your situation b/c I had heard a member was going to be on Dr. Phil.