The storm...knew it was coming

[Raisin_3]

That is so right on.

When bm told me she was moving again she said "You know how you and dh think I am a pathetic mom?" to which I replied "Yeah" and she said her married bf's wife is even worse then her.  I replied "Are you sure she is worse then you?"  BM didn't even get it she just laughed.  Yeah, I think that is funny.

#3 is so true too.  Although we have always won in court it didn't mean we were happy with the results.

[kitten]

>
>If, for just ONE instance, she had the children's best
>interests at heart, none of this would be going on.

Will has been no Angel, but he has NEVER bad mouthed their mother to them even after all she is doing.  He WANTS them to have a good relationship with her.  She starts the conflicts and carries on in front of the children.  Then tells them Daddy was behaving badly AGAIN.  She told them they could not see him more because he makes bad choices.  And on and on and on and on...  We had always hoped she would find someone to move forward with foolishly thinking it would be someone local.  

[kitten]

>You are saying only you can post here for support for your
>husband?  No other CP step moms mean anything because the
>world revolves around you?
>
>I am a CP step mom for 7 years.  I came here to read about
>your situation b/c I had heard a member was going to be on Dr.
>Phil.
 
That's not what I said at all.  We all have the same right to be here.  I would like to learn from your experience since this is reletively new for me.  I started this particular thread because I was upset and wanted to vent and maybe get advice.  This has been very stressful.  I did not come here to be judged about my personal choices.  

[Raisin_3]

Why do you come here looking for advice only to insult people?

[Raisin_3]

I have YEARS of wisdom I could share with you.  But based on what I have read you only want advice that suits your needs.

Obviously you are upset.  I remember a time bm made us sign something and then refused to follow through the day before leaving us in a bind with ss.  But we still tried to maintain a relationship with her.

This probably wont be popular but we also moved out of state from bm- and I know alot of details in those cases as well.

You dont have to like everyones advice but you should try to learn from it.

[Raisin_3]

Blaming her for everything isn't adult either.  BOTH parents have made mistakes.  I am not saying she is a good mother or deserves custody of the kids- I am saying it takes two people to get into this situation.

I also believe that the father should have just signed and taken the child since he believes the mother is so abusive.  The mother was doing him a favor by making the switch.  HE chose not to sign and leave the child there with a woman he is accusing of abusing the child.

[kitten]

Of course I want advice that suits my needs!  Wouldn't you?

[kitten]

I would love to take your advice, but you are way off base with the situation.  And just for the record, this is not an insult, just a statement.  
Thanks anyway.

[cathy]

I'm not saying that she has done nothing wrong - but IN THIS INSTANCE, she is at least making an attempt to cooperate.  I personally do not see what signing a paper stating the facts of what happened as being any big deal.

Now - so far on "mental torture" - - - maybe in some things she has done in the past, but in asking for a paper to be signed saying she cooperated in changing the visitation?   Doesn't go down as abuse, PAS, or anything else.  Other actions on her part may - but in my opinion, this doesn't.

Mountain out of a molehill - - -and there seems to be plenty of mountains to deal with without creating additional ones.

[cathy]

Been there, done that.  I can swap war stories with the best of them!

But - it sounded like you may have just been assuming in this case that she had told the kids about the change in visitation and that they were devasted by that.  I can certainly understand that they would be upset about being moved from familiar surroundings, family, friends, and not least of all - DAD!

Again though, it is very easy to get in the situation where you cut your nose off to spite your face.  It is easy to put up with so much shit, that you are unwilling to put up with ANYTHING.  (been there done that too!)  BUT you don't do anybody any favors when you do that and just dig your heels into the sand.

All I was saying is that from what you described,  I didn't see what harm there would be in signing a paper stating the facts of what happened.   Dad would have had what he wanted (time with the kids) and she would have had what she wanted (a paper stated that she had agreed to change visitation - which would have just been a statement of fact).  Sometimes it is easy to get so bogged down in the aggravation, hatred, crap, etc - - - that you give up what you want in order for the other party not to get what they want.

Good luck.  Hope there is some resolution!